Do you enjoy experiencing culture shock? For me, yes. While we travel, we often find foreign cultures fascinating and would like to bring them back to our country. On the contrary, some factors seem unacceptably weird. People who live overseas sometimes struggle to acquire new customs, even if they want to learn, but others adapt quite easily, even in unbelievably strange cultures. It is a real pleasure to study the aspects of society and individuals interacting and evolving together.

I have reached the 6-month mark with my life in San Diego and have thought a lot about American culture. Thus, the last theme of the three series – the other two are “K-Girl in SD” and “Gen Z and Media” – has arrived, which is “View from ESL (English as a Second Language).” Topics I want to share are coming out unceasingly, but I will pick just a few of them and discuss American cultures with the eyes of a resident alien.

PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME, NO ACTUALLY PLEASE TALK TO ME

I guess small talk must be second nature for you. The history of my trials and tribulations through small talk goes back to the days in Germany. I will translate a part of an exchange student column I wrote for my university newspaper after a month of new experience. It describes the hardships I went through vividly.

“It is always a pleasure to meet new people. However, I realized that there was not enough time to care for myself. At social parties, most of the conversations are small talk. I introduce myself briefly – name, nationality, major, and where I live – and then repeat the same sentences in other groups. You are lucky to find someone who is on the same wavelength and becomes a good friend, but it is common to reintroduce myself to the same person at different meetings on different days.”

*For the people who are reading me for the first time, I was a free-mover student in Germany for a year.

At first, I was skeptical about small talk because it seemed to take my time away to think deeply. “I was under new surroundings and never thought more than small talk subjects, even forgetting the reasons why I came here to Germany bit by bit,” I wrote. Nevertheless, small talk was the best way that I could show myself to others and perhaps the only way that I could create relationships and join communities. Ironically, I wanted to talk with people but didn’t want to at the same time.

Luckily, lots of experiences gave me firsthand insight that small talk turns into meaningful conversation as many talks accumulate. (Not always, in a condition that both sides make an effort to stack up a good relationship.) Anyhow, small talk was the culture that I had to be familiar with, and it was clarified with my new journey to the U.S.

SHY ASIANS? IT’S NOT LIKE THAT

One of the aspects I like about small talk is compliments. I love your style, your bag is so cute – these kinds of mentions. I don’t know if people really mean it or if it’s just a habit, but one certain thing is that it makes me a little happier than two seconds ago.

Deeper conversations are more entertaining. I remember sitting with Americans on the train from Frankfurt to Paris. They were sitting in the wrong seat – mine, which lit the fuse of our long conversation. I almost forgot to get off at the transfer station, absorbed in the interaction.

It is also interesting to hear what baristas and customers talk about at the café. From weather talk to football games and a book they recently read, they share everything. Good for me, because it is helpful for foreigners to learn about locals’ interests.

Some of my friends have also shared memorable episodes about small talk.

Sena: I went to the library to get help finding a book. The librarian, upon hearing the title of the book I was looking for, said, “That’s a good book. It’s perfect for your age.” It’s kind of a warmhearted memory.

Johnny: I was buying a beer at Target on Halloween day, and a cashier said, “You should go to a club! Stare at girls!” I thought that was absurdly funny.

Sangki: I had a talk with a random guy in a laundromat for about 30 minutes. I told him my dream and future, who was the one I met for the first time.

But Kyuna, who lives in Manhattan, NY, said “People here barely do small talk.” I could feel the differences depending on regions in this country with that short sentence.

However, for many Koreans, whether it is Western, Eastern, Southern, or Northern, small talk remains unfamiliar. If I compliment someone I have never met before, they might feel good inside, but think me as a weirdo at the same time, as it is not normal for us. While we can be good friends with baristas, it’s a rare case. Some people prefer hair salons where designers don’t begin a conversation.

One of my friends once said, “Some people say Asians are so shy, but I think they are just quirky extroverts” – No offense, I love how you people are open and friendly. In my opinion, Koreans aren’t the type to start a conversation all of a sudden and burst into other individuals’ lives.

COMPLETE A PUZZLE BY FITTING MYSELF

My small talk skills have improved quite a bit. I can respond with a smile if someone talks to me and can also give new topics to discuss. I even initiate conversations sometimes. At times, I feel tired of talking with random people, but I consider it as a free speaking class for English – Surely, it helps.

I compare myself to a puzzle board, and tasks that pull me out of my comfort zone are like each piece of the puzzle. I gain new holes and pieces every time I encounter a new challenge. It is not easy to find the right position, but I can’t express in words the pleasure when I find the correct fit. My board expands like the universe; it broadens and widens as I grow up, and I believe I have almost found where to place my ‘small talk’ piece.

Kyungmin Min is an international intern from Korea.