All It Takes to Restore a Historic House is a Little Inside Knowledge
HouseCalls | Michael Good 
A contractor friend of mine dropped by a while back as I was faux-graining my front door. I had the door up on sawhorses in the dining room. The dining room table and chairs were in the spare bedroom. The contents of the spare bedroom were out in the granny flat. The contents of the granny flat were in the garage. My truck was parked on the street. And for reasons I’ve chosen to forget, my four-hundred-pound antique gas stove was sitting in the dining room bow window. You get the picture.
I was dragging a ribbed cotton T-shirt through a gel stain that I’d just wiped on the surface of the sealed pine door when my contractor friend said, with something approaching interest, “So that’s how they do that.”
Up until this point, my vastly more-experienced friend had reacted to every home remodeling project I’d attempted with a combination of bemusement and disdain. Mostly disdain. So rather than admit that this wasn’t how they did it—it was just how I was doing it, and I wasn’t doing it that well—I said, “Why, yes, this is how they do it!” Then I think I might have done a little dance and shouted something about how I was a faux-finishing genius.
And this is how bad tips get started.
Contractors, construction workers, tradesmen and old house owners are constantly looking for the tip that will make something complex and onerous simple and easy. Which is odd, because little in construction, especially construction involving old houses, is simple. Faux finishing, for example, involves paint, brushes, specially made tools, varnishes, tints, formal training and a lot of experience—people actually go to school to learn faux finishing. They even read books! But in the construction world, hope springs eternal. Maybe all it takes is a ribbed T-shirt.
This misplaced faith in the power of the tip goes back to the Middle Ages, when the building trades were ruled by the guilds, who kept trade secrets secret. If you wanted something done right, you had to hire someone from the guild, because only they knew how to do it. Everything changed with the printing press and Martin Luther. Suddenly, anyone who could read could have direct access to God and the secrets of a coped joint. Today, the library has been supplanted by the internet, and instead of carefully edited books, written by scholars and gentlemen, we unfortunately have the blogosphere, with millions of know-it-alls offering millions of highly dubious tips.
This can be a bit annoying, particularly if you are bothered by bad advice repeated ad infinitum. A better man might try to organize, protest or march around the Home Depot. I prefer to fight back in my quiet way, knowing that someone, somewhere—probably in his parents basement, still wearing his pajamas, a bag of Cheetos in his lap, an energy drink in his hand—will copy, cut and paste this list of super-special remodeling tips to his blog and proclaim himself a restoration genius. So here goes:
1. There are no Tips. You remember the first rule of Fight Club, which is to never talk about Fight Club? Same deal here. Once you accept that there are no tips in home restoration, you’re ready to start learning the tips, which aren’t really tips at all, because if you have more than one, they’re instructions.
2. Do everything twice. You’ve heard about measuring twice, cutting once. You might want to consider cutting twice, too, because the first cut probably won’t turn out quite as you’d hoped. When you’re done measuring twice, and cutting twice, and gluing and nailing twice, be sure to coat everything twice—even if the label reads, “One Step and You’re Done!” Because once is never enough. So repeat yourself. Question everything. Ask for a second opinion. Otherwise you’ll probably have to do it over. In fact, the reason why so many projects have to be done over is because someone thought they could do it in one step. The only thing that can be done in one step is screwing things up.
3. Take the middle bid. Or not. The conventional wisdom is to ask for three bids, and take the one in the middle. This tip recognizes that most homeowners just don’t have enough information and expertise to compare bids, negotiate prices and get the job done right. Sure, it’s possible to learn, but then you’re talking about an education, like going to school for faux finishing or construction management. If you don’t have the time for that, consider hiring someone you like and trust, and then let them do the job on a time and material basis.
4. If you DIY, then BYOB. If you’re going to Do It Yourself, Be Your Own Boss. Don’t expect the workers you hire to fire you, or discipline you or train you. If your job is to order the tile, but the tile you’ve chosen is on back order, and no one can finish their part of the job because they’re waiting for the tile, then you need to be a tough boss and fire yourself. Homeowners can do an excellent job at a lot of things, particularly the time-consuming stuff that doesn’t require a lot of experience or tools. However, you need to know yourself andyour limitations.
5. Keep it real. If you have something original, preserve it. Better yet, go out and find more. If you have one sconce left, buy more vintage light fixtures to match. If you can’t afford a $10,000 Stickley lighting fixture—buy a vintage piece you can afford that fits your house style and era. Just don’t try to get by with a modern interpretation from the home center. Your house is valuable because it’s an antique. If you get rid of the original features and details you’re lowering the value of your investment.
6. Everything in construction is bad for you. From paint to putty, linoleum to linseed oil, it’s all potentially harmful. Some products might be safe for the environment, but not for you. Some won’t cause a fire, but will cause tumors. It’s possible to educate yourself about how much exposure is too much, and how to use tools and materials safely, but this subject is too complex to be covered by a couple of tips. Which brings us to…
7. Maybe it’s time to take that trip to Europe. If you’ve got a whole-house remodel going, you might want to consider moving out for a while. There’s little in life that is more stressful than remodeling, unless it’s finding yourself on trial for throttling your contractor. So if you have a guesthouse, move into it. If you have a garage, set up a bed and a microwave. But if you don’t have those options, take the grand tour. Lithuania can be magical this time of year—you might even find a nice little bed and breakfast that isn’t under construction. But if that’s not in the budget…
8. Do one room at a time. If you can’t afford to move out, at least get some control over your environment. Focus. On just one thing. Get it done. All of it. Then move on. That one completely finished room can be your pride and joy, and your refuge from the dust and the madness.
9. Live in it for a year. If you’ve just bought a place, it’s tempting to remodel before you move in. But you’ll miss learning some valuable lessons about what makes your house special. From the moment I walked in the door, my fireplace tile just looked wrong. After living with it for six months, I realized there was nothing wrong with the fireplace tile—it’s was the rest of the house that was a problem. That original hand-glazed tile informed all of my design decisions: Paint, stain, furniture, rugs, art. I even bought some shoes to match. Tearing it out would have been a major mistake. Before you grab a pry bar, remember what you’ve learned from those TV shows—not the design “reality” series. I’m talking about the procedurals, like CSI. Don’t tramp all over the clues. Spend some time at the scene of the crime. Calm down, put away the demolition equipment, open a bottle of wine and your house will speak to you. It will say, “I used to have wainscoting. Then someone stole it.”
10. Go to the library Nearly everything you need to know about your house is there, including the way it originally looked and the names of the owners and contractors. Sure, you can spend many a delightful hour on the internet, getting sucked into watching a video about a cat that got stuck in the attic of a Victorian in Ohio, but you’ll get real solid information at the library, and best of all, you’ll get help from real people who are trained experts with degrees, certifications and years of experience. They might even have a tip for you.
