Whether you’re a Buddhist monk or a TikTok star, age 90 or 19, drowning in money or barely getting by: isn’t happiness what we all want?

Happiness is a word that has many meanings, here are some synonyms that sure sounded good to me:

• Contentment

• Joy

• Delight

• Gladness

• Pleasure

Who doesn’t want that? So, how do you get it? Can you buy it? If so, where do you get it and how much will it cost? If you can’t buy it, what are your alternatives?

Many of us happiness-seekers have a challenge with delayed gratification, especially when social media shouts at us, “Get it now, don’t wait, only an idiot would be patient.” To me, as a psychotherapist, it feels like we’re leaving our hearts and minds behind as we focus on accumulating as much cool stuff as we can as soon as we can. This leads to getting sucked into a whirlpool of spending, temporary satisfaction, and – ultimately – depression that leads to more spending and eventual debt.

Debt does not equal happiness, can we agree on that?

We all want to be happy and being a good consumer looks like an easy path to get there. Really good advertising – and there’s a lot of it around these days – manipulates our emotions. As a result, it’s no surprise that many of us feel we’re not living up to our (earning/achieving/sexual) potential and are cosmic losers.

But, hey, this isn’t an either/or situation: we can enjoy nice things, just don’t make them the most important things in your life. If you have money and beautiful objects, great! But if you don’t, can you be okay with that too? Or will it suck you down into depression?

Let’s ratchet up the consumerism dial and ask another question: Are we people or are we brands? I recently read how a young gay San Diegan had decided to turn himself into a brand so he could become wealthy and popular. This is not the way to happiness. If it worked, the Kardashians would be up there with the Dalai Lama and Mother Teresa.

According to this young writer, “typically younger gay males 17-21 use skills they’ve yet to learn in marketing 101 and turn themselves into a product, complete with brand recognition… Branding one’s self (sic) is the new way to claim a piece of fame in our local bar and club scene.”

This could be amusing if it weren’t so sad: Do we want a piece of fame so badly that we’re willing to commodify ourselves to get it? So much for having personality, intelligence and social skills. Am I just an old fart who wonders why integrity, honesty and patience don’t matter anymore? Maybe so.

Being a big-time consumer and turning yourself into a brand may get you some good stuff, but it usually brings anxiety and depression, not happiness. Author Patricia Pearson, in her book, “A Brief History of Anxiety (Yours and Mine)” found that 28.8% of Americans will suffer anxiety in their lifetime – the highest level in the world – and that $4.2 Billion is spent annually, in the USA alone, on treating anxiety.

As a psychotherapist, I see a relationship between the crazy anxiety epidemic in this country and the out-of-control consumerism that so many of us get sucked into. As a therapist, I typically see several people a month who want to find a way out of the low self-esteem that comes from thinking you’re nothing but your brand, your house, your clothes or your stuff.

As someone who has a comfortable home, nice car and enjoys clothes, music and eating out, I am not recommending that you give up the basic comforts you’ve worked so hard for. What I am putting out for your consideration, however, is the idea that you cannot buy happiness, you can only buy things, and the happiness that comes from things is temporary. Even if you become as popular a “brand” as Apple or Amazon: happiness, peace of mind, friendship and a wonderful lover do not come with the package. Those joys typically come to us another way: through patience, humility, honesty, kindness and empathy to others.