Dear Michael,

I feel like a stereotype, but it’s true: I only want men I can’t have – the bad boys – and then when I get them (which I usually do), I don’t want them anymore.

Nice guys bore me, so I get rid of them ASAP. Then I end up alone most of the time. What’s wrong with me?

Confused in Coronado

Dear Confused:

This is about self-hatred: hating ourselves.

Dangerous men are men who are likely to hang around and get to know us. This scares the hell out of some of us. What happens if we can’t get rid of them and they get to know us…the real us? They’ll see who we really are, including our flaws and all the sides of ourselves that we try to hide from the world.

To be seen like that, unmasked, can be terrifying.

The safe men are the ones you call the “bad boys,” you know they’ll never stick around, so they’ll never get to know you and see who you really are.

They’re no threat because they’re here today, gone tomorrow.

Your logic is backwards. Consider this:

• Nice guys scare you because they’re likely to stick around and get to know you.

• Bad boys are no threat at all: They’ll never stick around and get to know you, so there’s no risk at all.