This is not the column I expected to write this week, but, in recent weeks, so many of my clients have told me:
- “Trump is mentally ill and he’s using his power to destroy this country.”
- “I dread hearing the news now.”
- “Every day Trump and his minions do something insane.”
- “I don’t feel safe.”
This column is about how to feel safe in times of trauma and chaos.
Here are some specific suggestions on what to do now and in the coming weeks as we expect more unpredictability from President Trump and his administration:
- Don’t make monsters: No matter how awful he seems, Donald Trump is just a person. Making him into a monster is a great way to terrify yourself. Remember: he’s a person, just like you, who eats, poops, sleeps and wants love and security, as we all do.
- Create a safe place for yourself in your mind and go there often: You might remember a specifically wonderful, safe experience in your life, like being in your lover’s arms, loving your pets, a hug from your best friend…ANYTHING that makes you feel safe.
- Get support from like-minded people, but don’t scare yourself. Don’t play “ain’t it awful”. Instead, focus on creating positive changes and what action you and your comrades can take to make a world that you all feel safe in.
- Stay in the present: You are safe here, now, today. We don’t know about tomorrow, it’s all conjecture. Many things that you’ve feared have NOT come to pass, right? Think of all those nights that you laid awake being afraid of something happening. And it didn’t. Wasn’t that a waste of your time and energy?
- Limit your exposure to traumatic stimuli. This comes straight out of cognitive therapy. For many of us, this means not watching the news as much as we normally do. Every time I see Mr. Trump on television, or hear about what his Cabinet have done today, I feel re-traumatized. So I am severely limiting my exposure to social media, for a while, until I feel “strong” enough to gradually know more.
- Take action: give money to organizations that “fight the good fight”. Volunteer and do something positive. For some of us, this is the most powerful way to deal with times of trauma and chaos.
- Please be clear, I’m not saying “Put your head in the sand and ignore what’s happening.” I AM urging you to find safety in your life in this time of great shock and upset for many of us. Eventually, we’ll all find ways to cope with four more years of Mr. Trump. But, in the immediate period, let’s give ourselves a break and…
- …take extra-good care of yourself as your mind accommodates to the startling new state of affairs, for example:
- I am donating to worthwhile causes more.
- I am working in my garden and spending more time in nature.
- I am meditating more.
- I am watching more funny movies and videos.
- I am going out to restaurants more.
- I am going to yoga and the gym more.
- I am talking to friends more.
- I am eating ice cream more.
- I am volunteering more.
- I am going for walks more.
- I am petting dogs a lot more!
These are some ways that help me feel safe in this time of shock. I know I won’t do this for long (or my waist is going to get much bigger), but, in the short run, it’s okay. I’m upping my self-care to get through the next few weeks. I’ll gradually return to eating healthier, but, right now, the comfort of food – like ice cream – is more important than its nutritional value.
You CAN find safety in these troubled times, it just takes some effort. But, it’s worth it.
Your peace of mind is worth nurturing and protecting. Come up with your own list and begin to feel better.
Michael Kimmel is a San Diego-based, California-licensed psychotherapist (LCSW 20738). With over 25 years of counseling experience, he brings warmth, practical insight and a healthy sense of humor to his work. You can reach him at 619-955-3311 or at Life Beyond Therapy.com.
Photo credit: Pixabay.com
